Or at least that is what I am going with. Because if you fielded the absolutely ridiculous questions I get on a day to day basis you would too. Let me start by telling you a bit about myself. You can call me B. I am a Guest Service Associate that works for a small vacation planning service, that I will not disclose, so that I can talk about everyone as much as I want (Not all bad, friends) and rant about my ridiculous guests. Those who work at any customer service or guest service location will probably have similar stories and you are welcomed to share them and I will post them here.
Let me just say that people can be kinda stupid. Yeah I said it. And no I am not sorry. I have dealt with thousands of people from all over the world and I can tell you that stupid people exist. And smart people can ask stupid questions. And I will begin with a guest I am gonna call Philly (that is where she was from, I don't have anything against Philly).
Philly was not so bad at the beginning. Valid questions on what her unit included and about parking and if the sheets were already going to be on the bed. Great. Super. I can answer that all day. A few laughs here and there after her smoker's cough died down she thanked me and we ended the call. A few days later she called me and all of the sanity had left her body.
Philly then began her rant on how she had driven 10 hours from PA to Nashville with four kids in the back and a cranky husband just to find she couldn't check in. Understandable. I would be kinda irritated too. So I asked her "Okay ma'am so I understand you are having some trouble checking in. Was the resort unable to find you reservation?" as nicely as I could sound to try and calm the fury. Nope. "No! The dang* woman at the counter said we had to have a credit card to check in! What the heck* is a dang* incidental?!" As she finished her sentence with one of her lovely coughing spells I took a moment to center myself. If you don't travel a lot that is not a horrible question. I explained what an incidental was and that the credit card is held on file in case of damages. In lieu of a credit card she could use cash. Also a nope.
APPARENTLY Philly had driven across the United States without any form of money. On a ten night vacation. Horse crap.
I calmly apologized to Philly and explained again that, as with almost every hotel in the world, you have to have that to check in and that is why we explain that when you make your final payment with us. However, as I previously stated, her sanity was no where to be seen. Instead a giant red rage monster was trying to strangle me through the phone line with her words.
"Oh this is absolutely ridiculous! Is it because we are poor?! They think we are gonna trash stuff*!? This is RIDICULOUS!! WHAT THE HECK* AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!!?! I don't have a dang* credit card or money. My mom was going to wire the money tomorrow Western Union! That fella I spoke to said I didn't need anything else when I got here!...etc ( 5 Min rant). You need to do something. Make them let me check in."
I can just imagine the vein popping out of her neck.
Maybe it is just me, but if I was going to be traveling across the country in a car with 4 children, I would probably plan to bring a credit card or money. Or on any kind of vacation for that matter. I don't leave the house without it. What if your car had broken down? What if someone got injured and needed medical care? What if you got hungry and ran out of sammies on the drive!?
After my little moment of thought I calmly unmuted the phone (so she can't hear me banging the receiver on my head) and told her, "Ma'am I am not affiliated with the resort and I have no power to change their policies for check in." Moment of silence. "Ma'am are you there?"
"Well are you going to pay for a hotel for me?"
And there it is. Not only did she have a high class 2 Bedroom Deluxe condo in one of the most awesome cities for an astronomically low price, but she needed NEW accommodations.
"No ma'am I can not do that." At this point I am just irritated. I am convinced she is just trying to get something for free.
"Well what am I supposed to do?! My kids are going to have to sleep in the car until tomorrow because of this! We just drove 10 hours and you won't get off your sorry butt* and pay for a motel for us?!"
Calm. Stay calm. Let the eye stop twitching. As my friend M. said, sleeping in the car was gonna be the least of their worries on vacation with that woman. At this point I am praying for strength because I am certain this woman is not of God. Calmly I said, "Ma'am we have already provided you with accommodations in a luxury condo and given you instructions on what is needed to check in. However, since you do not have a credit card you will not be able to check into any of the hotels in the area as it is a standard requirement. At this point I can either send you a voucher for a complimentary night for your next stay or I can cancel your reservation and refund your money since you are unable to use the accommodations we have provided."
And then the explosion happened in her brain.
"CANCEL?! YOU EXPECT ME TO DRIVE ALL THE WAY BACK WHEN I JUST GOT HERE?! WHAT KIND OF BULL IS THAT? YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE USELESS AND CRAPPY*. DON'T CANCEL ANYTHING! WE WILL FIND A WAY TO CHECK IN!" *click*
Lovely, right? I bet she is a peach at the DMV. Anyway I didn't hear from Philly again until 3 days after she checked out when I had to call her. Standard procedure. She was still a little ticked but what do you know!? She was able to find a card and check in that night. But she was subjected to a torturous 4 hour presentation by the time share people and the restaurant took their food away before they were done eating! Can you believe that?! Even though the time share presentations are optional as we told her when she booked. Either way I wasn't interested in going through the ordeal from the last conversation so I got permission from a manager to give her a partial refund for her worries and inconveniences experienced on her vacation that had absolutely nothing to do with us. She was thrilled. So nice... and I was amazing, and she couldn't believe what wonderful service we had!
I just wanted to smack her with my keyboard. She hasn't called back to book again and I really hope she doesn't because that might be the day I get fired for trying to get a priest to do an exorcism over the phone.
That is all for now!
All the best to everyone and I am sending up a prayer for all my fellow guest service peeps in the world!
-B
*words with this symbol have been edited for younger eyes.
